Ghosting, bots, and other misadventures in dating.

De'Andre Crenshaw
3 min readFeb 20, 2022

Hey, this is a check-in. Dating is challenging, but I know you are up to the challenge. We all have the data out there, and it is stressing us all out. More Americans, especially younger ones, are stressed out and lonely, but why? In an age where we have the internet and can find a date, relationship, or whatever you are looking for at the tap of a button. Why are we unhappy?

Most of the articles, studies, relationship advisors, and so on seem to think we have too many choices. Choices that before the internet we did not have. While more choice sounds good it has commodified dating. Every potential mate is treated as an option against an infinite pool of other mates. You can target appearance, race, religion, social or economic status, interests, in search of the ideal mate. The search for the perfect mate or the risk of missing out on Mr. or Mrs. Right keeps you hunting and never settling. This gamification or commodification of relationships is not healthy.

So what can we do about it? Everyone is giving advice, so I want to too. Be you because there is only one of you. Also, trying to be someone you are not to impress a date never works. Your dating profile is your digital avatar; make it as unique and special as you. Do not just use a bunch of shitty pics and a generic bio take time and have someone else review it. Use your social network and social media to make more connections and get more opportunities. Dating apps are fun but think of all the people you already know and the fact you already are connected with them. They likely have a good opinion of you already. If you are not interested in them, they may know someone you are a match for or can provide help(they may even be willing to set up mock dates and give constructive criticism). Take Chances it is ok to airball but keep shooting. When you find a potential partner, give them your full attention. If you have a backup or are still looking you are not being fair to them or yourself. Do not keep or take counsel of your fears. It will only hold you back. Keep your ego in check. Dating can get frustrating. But as long as you keep your ego separate from your success you can stay afloat. Dating takes time fails do not change your value. Have Fun! That is what dating is all about, and good luck out there.

(One last thing control your controllables put a little effort into your hygiene and appearance. There are sites and products dedicated to grooming, health, and hygiene. Take what you can from them and improve in ways that put the best version of you out there. I use my own Instagram to showcase me, as should you.)