Dating is hard. I know this sounds silly when you think of how effortless it looks for other people, but it is hard. The rise of online dating has commodified us all in a way I think many people are just coming to terms with. You can pick out your perfect mate tall, dark, fit, educated, career-oriented, and so on. But you know what else that means? Your potential match can do the same.
One of the most uncomfortable things about dating sites is the pressure of knowing that you are for all intents and purposes a commodity to other users. Many people despair about this. First off, you are a wonderful person. But remember you are leaving finding a soulmate, date, or whatever to a few characters and some pics. If that weren’t hard enough, you also have to deal with some algorithm on an app that makes money from you subscribing and showing you ads. (not exactly a neutral party or the best circumstances)
But do not despair as I said earlier, you are a wonderful person. 1. Putting yourself out there is the only way to find what you want. 2. Be honest about what you are looking for. If you want something casual, look for that; if you want something serious, look for that. Too often, that mismatch is the cause of hurt feelings, do not set yourself up for failure. 3 Experiment, I know your perfect person hits 10/10 of the things you are looking for but sometimes going outside your comfort zone works. 4. Be willing to change. Some people or dates will teach you more about yourself or help you grow, embrace that. 5. Have fun. If you take every interaction as make or break the pressure will harm your mental health and limit your success.
We are all struggling out here and hating the online dating game. But just like in real life, it is about finding someone compatible with you. Keep an open mind and remember you can always take a break and it does not stop you from talking to people in real life.
(one final note if you are struggling you can always either pay for someone to make your dating profile or ask a friend for advice. I’ve asked friends, family, and exes they know your best qualities and features and are invaluable in a pinch)